TEENAGE BAD AXE 1991

 On his death bed, Jeff's granddad revealed that he had stashed money away under a floorboard. The money was in a back room of the house that Jeff had played in many times as a child. Jeff called me over. "Bring your tools," he said. "I don't know which board it's under. We may have to rip up the whole fucking floor."

 "War on the floor," I said.

 Upon entry, we noticed a 4" x 4" red 'X' painted on a board in the center of the room. "I didn't notice that before." We stuck seven pencils between the crack of the 'X' board and the one next to it and hammered at them until the board came up. Undearneath, we found the loot his granddad stashed: twelve very old dollars.

 "Twelve bucks!," said Jeff. "We're 'woman rich!'"

 "Dood, we could buy anything we want!" A string of saliva greased out of my mouth. "A cassingle! Hostess pies. Magic (tm) cards!"

 "You're right," he said. "Anything we want...." Jeff fanned and slapped his face with the bills. "I've got a better idea.
We put the cash in one of the shoes my granddad died in and hide it. In two years, $12 could multiply to $300 in that shoe. We could buy a Nintendo then. Imagine the advancements in Nintedo technology the next two years will bring."

 "Fucking pagan!," I said.

 Later, we dug up the body of Jeff's granddad. I cried into the night:

 "You're buying us a Nintendo, old man!"