Monday, December 31, 2012


Detroit rap clubs, soap thieves, ping pong monarchs, charred bassless klang, trap door kingpins, pig pen rabble-rousers, Chore Boy boxers. Black candle nighthawks, canoe cruisers & Motor City crushes, pitch black chariot races, decades-old waffle houses & teenage bartenders. Murder City stallions, against-better-judgement-walk-homes, tipped over flower pots & finding a diner, dynamite coney dogs & legendary HC. Macaroni spazzes & feelers feeling lucky, animal derby, Woodward Ave white light & ace bombers, truckers' friend, a street full of leaves. Corn dog chickenin's, Stubby Nubby's peace treaty, Tickle-Me Detroit Eagle's, cover charge & mustache wink, do you need a hand with that? Pickpocket lawyers, slim jim laws, Mexicantown deals, empty lanes, yellow & green grass, acid train stations, BBQ summit, Burk's Igloo. Cat wrestling & money on the kid, shit tacos & a nightmare walk-up, fish tank in the lounge, horse party, house stripper & backseat losers. Screaming is unnecessary, park on the steps, unmitigated gasps, hairy armor & a Sunday gumbo special, cheapest porn in town, sledged toilet.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012



It was Halloween on Planet Christmas but that's beside the point. Shana Hannah Rama Hammytammer, heiress to the Hitler Castle Co., was trying to think up a slogan that would catch on & become "a thing" -- something that would get printed on t-shirts in various languages across the world. Something like Keep Calm & Carry On, she thought, but not something so bullshitty. Her attitude was questionable & the truth is that she just wanted to feel accomplished. How else to do that than create something "viral." Perhaps this line of thinking bothers you. Do you think you feel this way because there's something wrong with her or something wrong with you? Well, it doesn't matter because she thought of a slogan: WHAT'S WRONG WITH HAIR?? Give it some time. Maybe it'll grow.