tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-371087682024-03-05T01:19:03.999-05:00Charles Atlas By The Fire PitI'm a very rich and very famous Hollywood moviemaker and Charles Atlas By The Firepit is a place to try out new ideas. Often, the moments I come up with here end up in very well-received movies.FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.comBlogger316125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-35768548355431578002024-01-11T19:20:00.004-05:002024-01-11T19:20:25.037-05:00NIGHTMARES<p>We were talking about Lucifer's Paddle, love in the Me Decade, the freighter's deep dish pizza, a fruit leather ascot, and other nightmares.</p>FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-39711476079473166912023-11-16T10:36:00.001-05:002023-11-16T10:36:25.710-05:00TOP 5 (2011)"Little Boy In a Lady Wig" by the Big Bop Man<br />"She or He Screamed Into the Night" by Donny Robeson-Hooper<br />"Male or Female is Confusing" by Linda Linda & The Carolers<br />"Touch my Girlfriend's Stuff that I'm Wearing" by Naztee Capone<br />"The Wind Beneath my Wig" by Max SchroederFJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-89216199921875402342023-11-16T10:31:00.002-05:002023-11-16T10:31:34.245-05:00WALK, DON'T RUN/GOLDEN ROPES (2006)<br />most think The Ventures had one good trick but <br />things really started to change when<div>they grew facial hair and got all where the</div><div>wild things are on their album covers</div><div><br /></div><div>your fever in my</div><div>head and the feeling was so</div><div>overwhelming that my stomach</div><div>began to turn</div><div><br /></div><div>in dreams would help but</div><div>it didn't</div><div><br /></div><div>it pushed me over the edge and </div><div>onto the throne like</div><div>I'd been beaten up always</div><div><br /></div><div>wanted to kick someone's</div><div>ass to blue bayou</div>FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-80462362198478882182023-07-24T12:20:00.000-04:002023-07-24T12:20:42.084-04:00NEW SKATE LAWS SONGS<p>"I'll See You In Court"</p><p>"Set a Plate For Elijah"</p><p>"You Stepped On My Brazil Nuts"</p>FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-6830287464331604722023-04-16T15:48:00.004-04:002023-04-16T15:48:41.579-04:00NOBODY'S READING<p>White bands of light or other colors slap across the city. Windshields blinded, cars stop and engines rev, the excitement sending pulses through flexed calf muscles. Eager to move into whatever color, whatever wall, whatever ahead, the desire to push down and cross into the new & strange, but not frightening. Not a warhead, not an army, neither a missive from a foreign terror, the lack of familiarity in witnessing this heatless blaze begets curiosity.</p>FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-46279445317055337062022-07-14T19:40:00.000-04:002022-07-14T19:40:00.221-04:00NAME GAME<p>Gas Pane</p><p>T Cell</p><p>C.N.I. Dogg</p><p>Triple K</p><p>P Stane</p><p>Clams Chowders</p><p>SELIB8</p><p>Wittle BB</p><p>Ice 2 Get 2 No U</p><p>Q-Cumbor</p><p>Shit Breath</p>FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-7905030007707964602022-06-10T23:20:00.003-04:002022-06-10T23:20:46.230-04:00ROOT BEER (2014)<p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> No scene can touch this dick! I shrink dix 4 cash. Call now! I love being a model. I would love it more if it wasn't for the sex tape. Missing you more. Do you look for a moment of 'clearness' during the day? The moment of 'softness'?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Are you consumed by dread? Do you appreciate the moments when the dread alleviates? Or do you think alleviation is unnecessary? Do people deserve pain? Were people meant to be happy? </span>Are you catholic? <span style="font-family: inherit;">It doesn't matter.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">There is no extended bank of pleasure, is there? There might be. There is. Yes, there is. It seems elusive though, unreal, hard to put your finger on & keep it there. But you, with your crazy hair and big smile, can hold on.</span></p>FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-58735269595238651132021-02-12T02:00:00.002-05:002021-02-12T02:00:23.787-05:00THE CHOCOLATE TESTERS<p> "Fellows, I am sure as that dog is dead that we have once again created chocolate!" - from the novel The Chocolate Testers by Wiz Newton.</p>FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-10220658255526197252020-09-06T01:18:00.004-04:002020-09-06T01:22:09.272-04:00BOOK LIST<p><i>1000 Frozen Peppers</i> - Conrad Ishl</p><p><i>Corndog's Gone Bad & Other Nightmares</i> - Reba Ogei</p><p><i>Cilices For Dummies</i> - For Dummies Book Co.</p><p><i>Prison Crabs</i> - Whitey Hank </p><p><i>Do You Hear Clown Bells?</i> - Lucy Chichester</p><p><i>Hats Off To The Poor Folks</i> - Arnold Crimps</p><p><i>Sunday: Not a Real Da</i>y - Harrison Klams</p><p><i>The True Story of Howdy Doody & The Sun-Maid Raisin Heiress</i> - Sybil Nightengale</p><p><i>Why Me Oh Lord Why Me Why Why Why</i> - Leonard Harryhaus</p><p><i>Leonard Part 6: The Adaptation</i> - Paul Weiland</p>FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-8061146617987214012020-03-22T18:24:00.002-04:002020-03-22T18:24:16.800-04:00SHERONA & GARGANT"There was something in it," said Sherona.<br />
"I don't think so," said Gargant.<br />
"I can smell it on my fingers," said Sherona. "Smell my fingers!"<br />
Her fingers wriggled under his nose for a moment before he swatted them away. Sherona reclined the passenger seat to a horizontal plank & drummed her fingertips on her stomach. Gargant's body language was all screwed up.<br />
"I bet you think there was too," said Sherona.<br />
"No bets," said Gargant. "My family has recently become very unlucky in gambling."<br />
"Let me go inside," said Sherona.<br />
"Please," said Gargant, "not again."<br />
"You can stay in the car," said Sherona.<br />
"That's not it," said Gargant.<br />
"I implore you," said Sherona. "Unlock the door."<br />
"But it's a children's hospital," said Gargant. "It's the middle of the night."<br />
"But it's PCP, Gargant," said Sherona.<br />
"You said it was angel dust," said Gargant.<br />
"It's the same thing!" said Sherona.<br />
"Does this young lady need help," said the hospital officer.<br />
Sherona screamed.<br />
"Um," said Gargant.<br />
"I need a wheelchair!" said Sherona. "Stat!"<br />
"What happened here," said the hospital officer.<br />
"We . . ." said Gargant.<br />
"Yes?" said the hospital officer.<br />
"We . . ." said Gargant.<br />
"Yes?" said Sherona.<br />
"We bought a cigarette from one of the homeless," said Gargant. Sherona's eye widened and she mouthed 'ringworm' to Gargant.<br />
"I think I have ringworm –" said Sherona.<br />
"From the cigarette?" said the hospital officer.<br />
"Affirmative!" said Sherona.<br />
"Was this homeless person a man or a woman?" said the hospital officer.<br />
"It was impossible to say," said Gargant.<br />
"It's going to be difficult to track the perp without a gender," said the hospital officer. He looked to the girl.<br />
"I would also like to see someone who specializes in children on PCP," said Sherona.<br />
"That's funny," said the hospital officer. "My kid is inside, freaking out on PCP. He's as high as a Rocky Mountain maple – haha, he’s practically dripping sap."<br />
"I'd like to meet him," said Sherona. "I'm in the market for a new boyfriend and your son sounds sweet."FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-17064051703724098792019-12-14T15:27:00.002-05:002020-03-22T18:24:47.744-04:00HAVE HEART"The heart was once thought of as a very soft nut," said Dr. Hermples.<br />
"Oh wow," said Donovan.<br />
"Yes," said the doctor. "For centuries, tribes the world over would remove the heart and wait months, sometimes years, for the organ to turn a perfectly kind of hard nutty consistency."<br />
"Well, I certainly didn't know that," said Karen.<br />
"Yes," said the doctor. "Now that we've done away with big stuff like the cancers, the AIDS, and the other stuff --"<br />
"-- and mental retardation is at an all time low," said Karen.<br />
"Yes," said the doctor.<br />
"-- and syndromes have just kinda gone away on their own," said Donovan.<br />
"Yes," said the doctor. "Since all that happened, the eyes of the world's greatest doctors turn to other stuff. Stuff that was important to people before the bad stuff came along."<br />
"Before everything became a disease," said Karen.<br />
"Before everything became an emotional affliction," said Donovan.<br />
"Yes," said the doctor. "We did not truly understand the heart, the diseases, the afflictions – until the visitor came. And now we are free again to look back & look forward, pioneering through the worlds of popcorns, horsies, wooden dentures, the physics of rubber balls, nuts. This is the kind of work yours truly and other experts in the field can focus on today."<br />
"Experts in the nut field?" said Karen.<br />
"I have to LOL at 'nut field'," said Donovan.<br />
"We were lucky when the visitor came, weren't we?" said Karen.<br />
"Yes," said the doctor. "As predicted many hundreds of years ago, the citizens of the world did not know how to react to a visit from an alien lifeform when it appeared on Earth. But we weren't only ‘lucky’ that the visitor came – we were really very lucky."<br />
"I wish I could speak to plants," said Donovan.<br />
"Yes," said the doctor. "But without the visitor, we did not know that the plants had brains and feelings, could talk – could move like humans move. Because the plants were afraid of us. The plants were shocked into immobility."<br />
"It’s amazing how long plants & humans have coexisted but never learned how to speak each other's language," said Karen.<br />
"Yes," said the doctor. "Until the visitor."<br />
"It's different than other cultures, isn't it?" said Donovan.<br />
"Yes," said the doctor. "That's one thing humans are great at: figuring out languages that other humans have created."<br />
"Why is that?" said Karen.<br />
"Well," said the doctor. "Humans have hearts and the universal language is love."<br />
"Plants don't have hearts?" said Donovan.<br />
"No," said the doctor. "They don’t have hearts – but they love people and music – the biochemistry angle is super messed up when you think about it."<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-29608490570328850492019-12-02T00:10:00.001-05:002019-12-02T00:11:55.710-05:00FAILURE FILM IN 3 PARTS ~ WHERE SHOULD WE START?1.) We knew there was trouble once we saw the fish were stoned.<br />
2.) He could tell how your butt was touched and when. He was psychic.<br />
3.) We boogied and barfed all night long. Cora Lynn was smoking a huge stogie and wearing a Red Lobster bib.<br />
4.) Standing in the loneliest produce aisle in Vancouver, Marnie started crying brown Kroger tears on the ripe honeydew.<br />
5.) The mayor of Kickflip Bay christened the hill Fakie Mountain.<br />
6.) Grandma began growing a beard after a month of drinking nothing but Heineken tallboys. We thought the moustache was a bit much but she refused to stop the hair experiment.<br />
<br />
<i>"If you like the cut of our jib, you'll love what was revealed to us in perpetuity!"</i>FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-7907269598965023302019-08-09T12:41:00.002-04:002019-08-09T12:41:58.326-04:00THE SUMMER BEFORE THE NIGHT ECSTASY BECAME ILLEGAL IN THE STATE OF TEXAS BY D.C BERMANMy friend Kyle always had a lot of money and could get me into the expensive kind of trouble without the trouble sticking. He didn't mind paying for me if it meant raising hell with loyal company. We were seventeen. You only needed one reason to be friends at that age. I figured we had at least three. So we broke the law every day in every way and laughed our asses off at the fucking stupid world. My friend Kyle always had a lot of money and could get me into the expensive kind of trouble without the trouble sticking. He didn't mind paying for me if it meant raising hell with loyal company. We were seventeen. You only needed one reason to be friends at that age. I figured we had at least three. So we broke the law every day in every way and laughed our asses off at the fucking stupid world.<br />
<br />
In late April we began to hear rumours about a new drug in the Metroplex. It was in the gay bars. Kids at the Arts Magnet were getting it. Certain people at certain parties had it and it was magical.<br />
<br />
They called it X. it was supposed to make you unaccountably happy and tolerant of everyone from headbangers to rich fucks. Even 'douchebags'.<br />
<br />
Psychiatrists had been using it in therapy for years, we were told. It was a legal and local product (it was still special to Texas at that time). It would make you love and accept anyone. Even yourself.<br />
<br />
This was a complicated promise for the teenager roiling with hate and confusion. I hardly believed it. But one night Kyle pulled out some foil holding four tablets, we each swallowed two, and went to a party where a lot of people were going to be doing it.<br />
<br />
Coming around the corner of that house, I'll never forget the scene. Every high-school rule was being broken before me. The lions were chatting up the lambs. I saw sworn enemies talking like long-time companions; a prickly society bitch on her knees sifting white garden pebbles through her hands with happy eyes; a brutal wrestler from my school with his arms wrapped around the trunk of a pecan tree, saying his first words to me ever, 'Hi David', sweetly, as I walked by.<br />
<br />
I rolled my jeans up to my knees and sat at the edge of the pool. Maybe for the first time I felt like no one was going to try to push me in. The stereo was playing 'Blues for Allah' instead of the customary 'Eliminator'. Nearby, two linebackers were confessing how much they depended on each other 'on and off the field'. I felt myself giving in to all the kindness, not caring if it was a lie or not. By the time a hot Fort Worth Jewess sprang into my lap and began running her fingers through my hair I was sold.<br />
<br />
At sunrise, I came in through the sliding glass. I woke my father and his new bride, apologised for staying out all night, and pulled a chair up beside the bed. I continued to sit there and smile down on them. I said, 'I just want you to know how much I love you, Dad.' Incredibly, he did not kick my ass. That morning was never mentioned again.<br />
<br />
As I said before, ecstasy was still legal and as such carried virtually no stigma. Kyle's uncle kept a jar of tablets on his desk at his car dealership. Law-abiding adults were taking them at the North Dallas cocktail parties. They were even sold behind the bars like cigarettes and openly hawked on street corners downtown.<br />
<br />
That summer, I crushed two sports cars with my homely Buick, received six speeding tickets (three in one day), two tickets for public urination, impregnated a Collin County judge's daughter, and had a bottle of MD 20/20 broken over my head. Approximately none of it registered with me. A very real fault of the drug.<br />
<br />
I'm going to skip the scenes of me chasing daisies and singing to stray dogs from still bulldozer cabs. I was exercising horses that summer for cash, and X hangovers were A-OK for barrelling over the dull scrubland.<br />
<br />
Sometime in August, the lawmakers in Austin finally got around to outlawing ecstasy. What a gift for the dealers! The price of ecstasy immediately quadrupled and the production costs plummeted as the manufactures began cutting the pills with all manner of horrible stuff.<br />
<br />
The night the law went through, I went to a concert at the Bronco Bowl and snagged two of the newly illegal pills for a dear price. I had never seen them in capsules and had no idea it was a sign they were crushing the old 'legal' pills and mixing them laxatives, mannitol, low-grade speed, whatever.<br />
<br />
Once inside, I spent a half-hour wiggling my way to the front of the floor. Unfortunately, when I got there I had a big problem. Not only were the drugs not kicking in, they were causing me to have to shit real bad. Michael Stipe was singing 'Moon River' (hey!) a cappella and I knew that I was going to blow if I didn't part this shoulder-to-shoulder crowd and make it to the restroom. The audience was frozen in place and dead silent as I plowed through, 'Excuse me, excuse me, emergency here please, please' (I think I even yelled 'gangway', such was my ambition to get through), completely stepping on the vocalist's Ethel Merman star turn and nearly getting shhhhhed to death.<br />
<br />
I passed the rest of the concert in a nasty stall gritting my teeth, sweating and coming to terms with what was clearly the symbolic end of a spaced-out summer.<br />
<br />
Fifteen years on, I can honestly say I'm glad it was outlawed. After three months of its use I had lost all discretion and was prepared to trust about anyone. Worse yet, it was turning me into a joiner. That's not who I am. Anyway, ecstasy was not to find its true customer base until years later, when the strangely passive kids who grew up in the child protectorate of the U.S. eighties and nineties came of age, craving depersonalisation. Apparently it helps them dance. They're a very attractive lot. Have you seen them dance?FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-48860038445127841572017-09-25T13:20:00.002-04:002017-09-25T13:20:11.608-04:00FAMILY HISTORYMy parents met at a cleavage contest.FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-84456011990136925542017-09-11T13:22:00.000-04:002017-09-11T13:22:05.355-04:00CHEATING PT. IVLet's go to the bathroom<br />
I love a lover that's discreet<br />
first time i heard your voice<br />
was like a lightbulb<br />
<br />
she said / he said<br />
<br />
My crush is a fat fuck<br />
I like a crush who can shut up<br />
<br />
Did you take something from me?<br />
Cuz one thing I hate is to lose something.<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
The coach sounded really<br />
fucked up on drugs</div>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
He made us kneel in </div>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
a choir is screaming</div>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
tell me that's not Cher</div>
</div>
FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-40171498970516824332017-07-29T22:15:00.000-04:002017-07-29T22:15:53.104-04:00NEW PARTY ROLL CALL Pt. 2HENNA PARTY (J/K)<br />
FAKE OFFICE PARTY w/ XEROX MACHINE ANTICS PARTY<br />
YOU CAN'T BEAT AN OLD FASHIONED CHILI CONTEST PARTY<br />
FAKE PARTY PHOTO SHOOT PARTY<br />
SWANK LAUNDROMAT PARTY<br />
MAKEOUT PARTY (actually an old party developed by teenagers)FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-12598589726117422292017-07-12T12:52:00.000-04:002017-07-13T15:06:17.162-04:00DRUG POEM (2011)Corrie was hanging out with some punks/workmates at a fire behind the Lodge. She called Ted for a ride home but explained that she didn't know where she was or how to get out. Since Ted and I had been there and Ted had flashlights we set off for the hills. We found Corrie easily despite the swamp but soon realized his cigarettes had fallen from his shirt pocket as had my sunglasses from the same pocket on my own shirt. It was midnight and we thought we were fucked but went looking. It took time to find our past path but both the cigarettes and sunglasses were lying next to each other on the ground. We jumped up and down with our arms raised, screaming with joy. Corrie just looked at us.<br />
<br />
Before that, we met up with Matt for BBQ. (The food was unremarkable and went sour over night in both the to-go container and my stomach.) Matt had finished a batch of DMT and took me and Ted to the Isle for a test. Ted had never smoked DMT so he went first: a tunnel with the unmoving head of an animated statue at the end. Matt followed: a scary trip of deformed people in Pepsi t-shirts. He opened his eyes early & walked towards us while experiencing intense hallucinations of bark spinning on tree branches. He said the trip was lasting hours.<br />
<br />
My trip: I sat on the ground with my back to a tree and began taking hits. I stared at the trees ahead until they began to move & thought, "I'm ready, here we go..." and put the pipe down. I immediately felt at peace, falling into shifting patterns and gradients of yellow and red. I was hopeful, looking for <i>the people</i> because I hadn't seen them in some time. They were angry at me for smoking DMT after an argument with my girlfriend, Suicide playing full blast.<br />
<br />
I was on the inside of a chamber and realized <i>the people</i> were there. They were hiding in the light or made up of it but casually interacting: silhouetted curvy women like those on a truck's mudflap lying on their side cascading into the periphery. In reality, I began to fall over and jumped when my limp body finally gave way. My eyes opened briefly and saw a reminder that I was there: one of my legs. Closing my eyes again, the brief image of the woods and my leg remained but solarized, then stretched and burned apart like film in the gate of a projector.<br />
<br />
We drove to the tip of the Isle and sat on the rocks where we each took another trip. This time I was underwater. The visuals were not unlike the reflection of water on the ceiling of a cave. I was drifting and it felt as though I could fall asleep right there. Matt experienced something similar but Ted was back inside the tunnel. Later, I took a third trip and was confronted with a vision of Ted sitting on the rocks. The detail was magnificent: every freckle popping off his face about one foot into the air. He was naked and unmoving, the color of the Statue of Liberty. A three foot crack erupted in him, stretching from face to pubis, and foamy dark green blood gushed from the opening.<br />
<br />
Afterward, we went to the Igloo and got peanut butter milkshakes.FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-44481134725824911392017-06-27T13:21:00.001-04:002017-06-27T13:21:18.336-04:00PRESENTSurprise clean and<br />
rare shock of<br />
words shaped thoroughly in<br />
the work after we parted<br />
ways instead of<br />
enduring every battle with<br />
a professional tone.FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-76346814622832957122017-06-14T13:50:00.001-04:002017-06-14T13:50:22.897-04:00THEATERwho's a slick boy escape<br />
artist which lost his shirt & whistlin<br />
on a fence got his ass<br />
beat back flesh turned<br />
hamburger cab to ypsilantiFJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-75123771473240669742017-02-28T14:00:00.000-05:002017-06-07T14:09:59.226-04:00BULLScoki<br />
got hurt on the slopes, thought he was going to pull a sonny<br />
sandy got a blackeye at the pipefitters convention<br />
we had hot cross buns & toast, strange lunch you know but I cant complain,<br />
i say that but i hurt my tooth but then I was eating some finger potatoes<br />
where's the weirdest place you criedFJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-60994503505556397692017-01-03T12:56:00.000-05:002017-09-11T13:31:15.234-04:009 JAN 2012<i>Today I farted thrice into the first bite of a 7-11 ultra-sized spicy hot dog. Jalapeno chip dust flew into the back of my mouth causing me to cough up the offending chip & shoot a snot rocket at the same time. That happened four times. Then a woman pulled into the parking lot, looked at me sitting on the ground with my hot dog for ten seconds, and pulled back out.</i>FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-70412272188056569162016-01-02T12:10:00.002-05:002016-01-02T12:59:59.387-05:00DREAM HOUSE REVIEWSI guess I resented the fact that people were doing yoga there?<br />also the carpet was hella dingy -- i imagined it being a little slicker in therethat said, it was a truly awesome place -- i loved the shades and being able to BARELY see out to the outsideand then when i got outside, the change in the "outside world" was as striking as the change going into DH was.<br /><br /><i> - by Pete</i><br /><br />It was really dark in there, with some simple light displays and Super Loud drone music. Oh, and a shrine to Pandit Pran Nath with a picture and candles and stuff. Nothing really weird happened. I was there by myself and just laid down on a pillow on the floor and tried to zone out for like a 1/2 hour maybe, but I never felt fully safe and able to sink deep into trance like I would've liked to, y'know? There were other people in there just lounging around doing the same and maybe a few couples making out and whatnot. Felt kind of like we were in some 60's Fluxus/Warholian time warp zone, I guess.<br /><br /><i> - by Justin</i><br /><br /><br /><br /><span id="docs-internal-guid-30c43853-0350-704d-118e-2dba59e0f7ce">
</span>FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-62017542451646571222016-01-01T15:18:00.000-05:002016-01-02T12:59:22.907-05:00INTRODUCTION MESSAGEladies & giraffes, barnyard rubles,<br />rabies cinematheque & baby’s got a blouse on<br />groan control, are you there major bone?<br />we were all tits up for ball bag & as you can see: the third sex<br />x-ray kettle & free bird in Walgreens<br /><br />i first met everything is canine at a knob in Detroit called cooter & boy did we have a pussyhair<br />an emotional cushion called enriched wheat & hello flower! -- how are ya?<br />pickles & fries, I give you holiday tootsie!!<br /><br />who hated hot dogs in the night, president baby manger?<br />and I crawled a spider’s ass, half-ripe & tingling<br />you rolled the dice & fresh fish popped out, a consolation prize for Grand FunkFJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-30479663791084161732014-05-10T16:36:00.002-04:002014-05-10T16:36:21.123-04:00THE CAT WITH PAPA'S EYESCongratulations team, you baked a mess. This cake is awful for some time, no redeeming value. It is inedible, I am unhappy. My son, my son, what have ye done, gone waiting for me at the train station with beer in hand -- I twas not there, I never arrived, the bus never came, the train flew off the tracks, by the time you read this I will have been rubbed out. Tickets were too much. The flight was too long. This headache is dedicated to you & cannot be explained.<br />
<br />
Where does all the teeth go? Do you need a wrestler? People are so mad at thing & one have to asks why? You saw TV & what it hads for dinner. I'll make certain your cracker factory never produces another tasty delicious xtra-crispee cracker ever again!<br />
<br />
It felt so good to hold my cellphone that close to my heart. Snickers is looking to hire a few good bad boys. Naked rappers clause in what contract. Never in a billion trillion jizzillion years did I imagine I'd be fighting with a small child over a bag of gin. The Virgin Mary: was she cool -or- did she drool? I'm just plain sick of getting tattoos of your mothers' names.<br />
<br />
We can talk about what familiar means.FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108768.post-38565248543456871082014-02-18T01:55:00.001-05:002014-02-18T01:55:19.032-05:00XXX RAPS 4 $$$Firstly, screwball & rape shed, black as night in a beaver treasure. Wilting caramel & mom's adam's apple, disappointed with Lucy, give me an onion to remember. Period sex first & foremost, little lightbulb's gone out in penis blanket. Toad fighting became illegal & hunks were finally releasing the book. A carriage of nickels, rotten in Connie's yard -- why'd you give me horn section of mariachi band when I asked for grapes! The circus is in bed, ripe as can be in the lost sack. Who knows whose nose was on the cover, President. Lips & tug of war, grampa's heart sack. What a bean to Rambo? Once I took a picture of a cake every day for a year & bored my friends to death.FJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16796124559240533961noreply@blogger.com2