Thursday, June 21, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
THE RAKE
J.T. was the hottest gigolo on Jersey Street, all snaps and shade, rubbing downy honeypots for quick cash, whip-its, and a den to spike. Mamma Coca Lee was his cunny honey and a tramp so hard-up for longjohn that she opened a pizza joint just to get on the bone. Make no mistake: Lil' Lappy's Slices & Pies was a smash hit.
"Whoa, dood, check out his arm!!" Three teenage stooges -- blondes with perfect feathering -- ogled J.T. His right arm was a hardly a matchstick; here was a jeff that knew how to juice.
The stooges didn't have a clue: they still thought "juicing" was what you did with a few oranges and a little patience. Anyone a year older than the stooges knew better. J.T. was less accustomed to little tangerines as he was to bruising cataloupes, but he bragged to kids about having a "killer OJ groove" anyway.
"Whoa, dood, check out his arm!!" Three teenage stooges -- blondes with perfect feathering -- ogled J.T. His right arm was a hardly a matchstick; here was a jeff that knew how to juice.
The stooges didn't have a clue: they still thought "juicing" was what you did with a few oranges and a little patience. Anyone a year older than the stooges knew better. J.T. was less accustomed to little tangerines as he was to bruising cataloupes, but he bragged to kids about having a "killer OJ groove" anyway.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
SPANISH WAGGLE or "HOW MY CANTALOUPE PATCH SCORED THE BIGGEST HIT OF THE YEAR"
Dr. Raymond Tandy is a Professor of Science at Corn Nut University of Iowa. His most recent experiment is gathering attention from across the globe.
"I've made many inventions. Some have rocked, some have not. This one will be hot."
Dr. Tandy speaks in rhymes and riddles.
"I'd turn a ferrari on its head just to tangle with one of them hot cops."
After months of redesigning a graham crackers package, Dr. Tandy felt he was close to something big.
"I love it."
The scientist melted over 1000 Skittles into the shape of a donut and sucked on it for over a month.
"I call it a 'Skittle-nut'."
"I've made many inventions. Some have rocked, some have not. This one will be hot."
Dr. Tandy speaks in rhymes and riddles.
"I'd turn a ferrari on its head just to tangle with one of them hot cops."
After months of redesigning a graham crackers package, Dr. Tandy felt he was close to something big.
"I love it."
The scientist melted over 1000 Skittles into the shape of a donut and sucked on it for over a month.
"I call it a 'Skittle-nut'."
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