Friday, June 27, 2008


"I want to feel fire the way Danzig or Satan feel fire. What power does one gain for each soul he takes?" The doctor needles through his slacks, eventually pulling a large brass ring with an emerald stone from his pocket. "I wish I could shoot some sort of ray from this. Or a light signal."

He sets the ring on the table in front of him. The cafeteria is strangely slow: just a few wet nurses, orderlies, Greeks, 'and other perverts' were ambling about. The rabbi picks up the ring and drops it into an elixir that smells of an attic and smokes upon immersion.

"I don't know what happened to your ring," said the rabbi. "I don't even know what this stuff is."

"It smells like an attic," said the doctor.

"I think it smells like an onion," said the rabbi.

"Then why aren't you crying, priest?"

The rabbi grimaces and leans in, his hand raising to meet the doctor's right ear. He snaps his fingers and the ring appears in his hand. The doctor digs an index finger into his ear like he's looking for another ring.

"How'd you do that?! It defies all law!"

"Fuck law: this was some effin' magic."

[ALTERNATIVE ENDING: "Fuck law: this was some effin' magic." The rabbi snaps his fingers and leans back in his chair all like whuzzzuuup.]