Monday, May 31, 2010


Something's obscene.

Something in here
is obscene.

What is it?
What is that thing?

Sorry, father!

Sunday, May 30, 2010


The paper
had the photo
of the winner

A bat in the face
a prize winner,
photo in the paper


So where is our hero?
With his tennis racket?

A bat in the face!
That is no prize!

Friday, May 28, 2010


by Ted Kennedy

His jaw was sore; sore like he’d been making out with a pillow for hours.

His neck throbbed; throbbed like he’d puked all morning.

His beard wasn’t growing as he’d hoped, and the motorcycle still sat in the front yard.  It needed a coil pack, but they don’t make those anymore.  Or so they said.
The guys on the softball team called him whipped, you know… by old mama ball and chain.  But he thought different.  If they saw how she treated him when they were alone, then they’d know.

Last night he showered in front of her for the first time.  He was embarrassed for them both.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Q: So, any plans for 2012?
A: Let's just say I've got a couple reminders set in my phone to buy milk & toilet paper.

Q: You're a bit of a visual obsessive. Have you caught any docs about 2012?
A: It was often touched on in the various doomsday docs I was watching around the millennium. What do you think about 2012?

Q: I really don't know anything about it save for some basic premises. At any rate, do you think it's strange that hollywood produced a  2012 movie? Can you think of other movies about doomsday that aren't alien-related? Why would Hollywood make a 2012 movie?
A: I think the 2012 phenomenon and subsequent film makes sense. Although it seems like they would have made a year 2000 [doomsday film] but I can't remember one. Except maybe for TV. But now that you mention it... no aliens... huh. Well, I think Nic Cage has been in one. I think.

Q: Do --
A: Yes, he was:

Q: This is not a well written blog.
A: I thought it was a newspaper.

Q: Yeah, but, anyway. You have no belief that the doomsday events of 2012 could occur?
A: None whatsoever.

Q: Is it because you're an atheist?
A: I don't think the 2012'ers necessarily believe in god(s) but my atheism and 2012 skepticism probably come from the same place

Q: Anything else to add?
A: I desperately hope that there is an apocalypse and that I am alive to witness it.

Sunday, May 23, 2010


 When I see someone reading the Satanic Bible, I just laugh. It's funny to me. I think: “What the fuck??”

 First of all, to be a satanist, one must deny themselves that real emotion of feeling like a "cheap thug." Imagine a clammy, unpleasant basement. On the floor, a whole lot of dirt, dirt going up the walls even, and what's that strange smell? Imagine wanting to be down there, but you are down there with someone who does not want to be down there, and you are wanting the least bit from that person. But this is a feeling being described, not an actual event.

 A satanist begins to take part in the enjoyment of that emotion, having fetishized it in effort to destroy that which innately tells us, "for we know when we are being little, and awful, and wrongful toward another Human." But to be a Satanist is ultimately to be a selfish, emotional bully. Imagine if you will, a kernel of peculiar, impotent rage in the heart of a hairless, 3ft. tall Hitler and you have a close approximation of a Satanist. Still, we must ask: but what is feeling little?

 The physical prowess of common Satanists is an oft-debated subject what with top notch  specimens such as Glenn Danzig but Satanists are gluttonous hedonists by nature and therefore not physical powerhouses at all. Chip snacks, cakes, Whatchamacallits, Mad Dog 20/20 and other sugary items are the food domain of Satanists.

 Perhaps now I should clarify that while aspects of hedonism are not "wrong" in regards to a creating a broad generalization of the hedonist movement, there must be a limit to hedonistic impulse. Hedonism can lead to extreme sexual deviance, drug abuse, home foreclosure, and shoplifting.

 When a celebrity is caught, arrested & persecuted by the law for shoplifting, do you not psychically witness the trail of hedonism that lay before this event like a trail of gasoline leading to a blazing inferno? Comedy writer George Carlin said something to the effect of, "every time I see a photo in a newspaper, I wonder which of these people has had deviant sex since it was taken." It makes you wonder, listener: What act did Owen Wilson commit that caused him to take upon a sharp blade in hand and make an attempt on his own life? It has been joked that perhaps it was one night at the museum too many but I digress:

 Many Satanists believe themselves to be clever, independent individuals but they are not. Even the Black Pope himself, Anton Szandor LaVey, the High Priest of the Church Of Satan was not clever enough to avoid being evicted from his home, the infamous Black House located in the hedonist paradise of San Francisco, CA. Now, much detritus litters the front yard of the former Satanic headquarters: mattresses, phonebooks, stray dog buns, abandoned toupees, the candy necklace of a raver, a leopard print beanbag chair, old viewmaster reels, a plastic watermelon, and an unused container of lemonade mixing powder among a number of items now relinquished and forgotten like so many children's toys.

 Like so many college freshmen purchasing their first Mos Def compact disc, so too do teenagers have a phase in which Satanism rules. Teenagers are attracted to Satanism like white on rice.

Friday, May 21, 2010


by Travis Alexander Galloway

Tara was impressed by the abundance of driveways in Allen Park, all of these choices. (Pulling out of randoms)

Without her bootleg ADHD tabs, possibilities screech.

Hurricane/Tampa Bay Lighting jersey/Heavy handed radio shuffle push

Inside her home (1990’s collage art), Tara spreads moon blood across her walls, arms spread like a champion running into the arena. The family room has RED levels.

Passion pile up on the X-Files mouse pad. The walls cheer and roar. Tara is a flame.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


 Q: Do you believe in 2012?
A: My deeprooted intuition knows already. I mean, I used to be really into it during high school when I listened to nu metal. Like Hed PE were the first band to bring it to my attention.

Q: But do you still believe?
A: I believe in psychic awareness & positivity. I don't believe angels come down from heaven. In the end, I think it's kind of stupid but true.

Q: Nu metal.
A: Yeah, Hed PE was my first insight toward it.

See also: Travis Galloway's Earth Dust Blunt

Sunday, May 16, 2010


Tanya was delighted to be in Asia. She thought about the peculiar foreign trees she would see and how they might smell.

In Japan, she will be referred to as "hakujin." Would pizza taste different there?

"The pizza is totall diff," said Coney. Coney was an American artist living in Hong Kong.

"Really?" she said.

"Yeah, they're fucking serious about it over there. I mean, over here." Coney licked the syringe. "And the crazybread is delicious."

'I love Asia,' thought Tanya.

Coney looked at her as if he could read her thoughts.

"I love pizza," said Coney.

Friday, May 14, 2010


by B. Thomas Hunter

"Have you ever sleepwalked across state lines?" Moshe Rabbenu asked me in a hushed tone near the microfiche in the basement of our poorest High School. His cock pressed tight into denim: a rival, not a friend.

"If Eden was a time, and not a place, it would be those first days of Spring. That terrible season...." He trailed off, distracted by the glow of some neon light, a creature of El, yet un-melt-able.

Gershom and Eliezer had wandered in the desert. That damned wilderness. Why were they forsaken? He said He'd catch up to them but He was nowhere to be seen, and they had done all He had asked. Their foreskins, shriveled away, blackened by time. Brit milah, a covenant between Him and the tribe they had lost. They sweated and sang, and above all rested for everyday was their Sabbath. Their beards had grown long and complacent. Their brows furrowed. Their fields fallowed.

"He's never going to show," Gershom whispered.

"Did you know I once had a cock-ring made of solid gold? It turns out my Grandpa made it out of stolen Jews gold and the Shoah Foundation came and took it." You were wearing a striped shirt that made you look like a comical burglar. "America is the Black man's battleground!" you screamed at the top of your lungs. We were on a roof. A track team stopped and stared.

They couldn't afford a skywriter, so the note read: MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Q: 2012. True or False?
A: Totally false. Totally false. So, why would 2012 -- it's so stupid, its like the stupidest ever. So, these Indians from South America I'm sure.... No way did this exist -- this is the stupidest thing ever. They didn't know about Europe? They didn't know it exists. It's the most retarded thing I've ever heard.

Q: Are you afraid of 2012?
A: Not at all. Being afraid of 2012 is like being afraid of a ghost that knows karate. Ain't gonna' hurt ya': it doesn't exist.

Q: Were you afraid of Y2K?
A: Oh yeah, I was scared shitless at Y2K. Oh god, the guy came on TV to use an ATM and I was so happy when it worked. I acted like it didn't phase me. It's a computer, it can do anything. I would love to read a Y2K book right now.

[This is part of an ongoing interview series. Full disclosure: I'm really looking forward to all the crazy 2012 parties bound to occur.]