SUMMER FESTIVAL SCENE REPORT

 Canadian prison band, The Teen Dreams, wow Michigan crowd. Tell my checking account I said "goodbye."

BIG HORN

big horn
stopped me in my boots

loud yellow metal
must be easier to put together

than a small one

those little keys

and rubber things
but bigger is better

depending

on the expense of brass
and the expense of rubber

I look at my chukka boots

“You could have been

this big horn that
I am in awe of this
loud yellow metal
but you carry my
brown yellow feet."

I have athletes foot

and if I'm being truthful

other problems too

and if I'm being wholly truthful

I am procrastinating

but procrastinating in awe

GROW HAIR ON HOT DOGS FOR $$$

Insane night. BMX jungle. Set a wheelchair on fire, shoved it at a police officer. Dogs chased me down Parkinsons for blocks. Finally landed at Canto de Bruxa. Drank Hart Wurm with Oral History. Threw a wrench in the toilet and laughed.

HOW WE MET

I met someone. We talked about Hillary's pringle, donut air, public twinkie, gravy domes, half melon, ferrari cakes & other taste debacles.

NEW SKIT: "COCAINE!"

Upbeat, gospel-y tune jammin'.

Come out with mic & dance steps:

Cocaine / Cocaine

You're so good to me, babe etc.

Do some really bad dance moves, spins, splits, etc.

Pull out 12"x12" bag of flour & pretend to do coke.

Have heart attack.

The show's over.

NEW SKATE LAWS SONGS

"Soaked Intruders Creep Forever"

"Tasered & Weak"

"Lame Pink Jag"

"Jeopardy Contestant"

"No Cummerbund/No Sash"

"Hovel of a Coward Yokel"

NIGHTMARES

We were talking about Lucifer's Paddle, love in the Me Decade, the freighter's deep dish pizza, a fruit leather ascot, and other nightmares.

TOP 5 (2011)

"Little Boy In a Lady Wig" by the Big Bop Man
"She or He Screamed Into the Night" by Donny Robeson-Hooper
"Male or Female is Confusing" by Linda Linda & The Carolers
"Touch my Girlfriend's Stuff that I'm Wearing" by Naztee Capone
"The Wind Beneath my Wig" by Max Schroeder

WALK, DON'T RUN/GOLDEN ROPES (2006)

most think The Ventures had one good trick but
things really started to change when

they grew facial hair and got all where the

wild things are on their album covers

your fever in my

head and the feeling was so

overwhelming that my stomach

began to turn

in dreams would help but

it didn't

it pushed me over the edge and 

onto the throne like

I'd been beaten up always

wanted to kick someone's

ass to blue bayou

NEW SKATE LAWS SONGS

"I'll See You In Court"

"Set a Plate For Elijah"

"You Stepped On My Brazil Nuts"